There may come a time when you must leave an abusive relationship. If time allows, and you are not in imminent danger, here are some steps you can take to prepare:
Protect Your Financial Independence
Have money set aside in an account that only you can access. This will prevent the other party from draining or closing the account and leaving you without finances.
Consider changing passwords, beneficiaries, joint account.
Get an emergency restraining order to freeze bank accounts, credit card accounts, etc.
Be sure to terminate any Power of Attorney involving your ex.
Financial Records
Make copies of all important documents and financial records (for assets and debts including bank accounts, retirement accounts, credit accounts, etc.,) and keep them in a safe deposit box or with a family member or trusted friend where you can access them immediately. If possible, obtain a current statement for any retirement or investment accounts, so you can prove any wasting of assets. Pull a credit report on you and your husband, to show all current and past accounts.
Child Support Documentation
Try and get your hands on as much documentation as you can to prove income and assets (including separate property assets):
Income from both you and your spouse for the lasts three pay periods.
Tax returns for at least the past two years, including W2s, 1099s, etc.
Proof of child support that is being paid by you or your spouse.
Proof of maintenance that is being paid by you or your spouse.
Health insurance policies and health care expenses being paid by you or your spouse.
Are there any health, dental or vision insurance premiums being paid
What is the cost for the employed spouse, as well as the spouse and kids.
Save Text Messages and Emails
Save or print texts and emails. Store them in the Cloud so if you lose your phone, you still have access to them. They could be proof that is important to your case.
Document Injuries
Record your injuries with photos or video—and document how, when and where they occurred. Take them immediately after they occur. Write down what happened and if there were witnesses ask them for a declaration (written statement signed under the penalty of perjury).
Moving Out of the Family Home
If at all possible, and depending on your circumstances, take the children with you for two reasons:
1. Their safety and mental/emotional well-being;
2. Leaving them behind may be construed against you as abandonment of the children, the marriage, and the family home. Your other option is to go to court for emergency ex parte orders, and have the abuser removed from the family home by court order. Please contact my office to discuss your situation before taking a step like moving out that could adversely affect you.
Bottom Line
Most importantly, if you are in danger, get out. Don’t stick around and try to gather documentation, which puts you and your children in further peril. There are ways to get all the documentation listed above, it may take a little more time and effort, but it can be done. I am here to help you through the legal steps, and support you through the process. Please contact me at: [email protected]
Disclaimer: The information presented here is for general informational purposes and does not constitute legal advice.